How to get into dogging

Curious about dogging but not sure where to start? This guide covers what happens at a meet, how meets are arranged, the signals people use, the rules everyone is expected to follow and how to stay safe – whether you live in the UK, where it all began, or anywhere else English is spoken.

What actually happens at a meet

Dogging is sex in a semi-public place – most often a quiet car park (a parking lot, if you’re in North America) after dark – with other people watching and, sometimes, joining in.

The word is British slang and the scene started in the UK, but meets now take place in the US, Canada, Australia and well beyond. Most of the people who turn up are there to watch. The people in the car decide how far things go, and anyone else joins in only when they’re asked.

Decide what you want before you leave home

Agree your limits before you set off, because a dark car park with an audience is no place to negotiate.

If you’re going as a couple, talk through whether you want to watch, be watched or join in, and how far each of you is happy to go. Choose a word or a signal that either of you can use to stop things at any point, and honour it straight away. Going on your own, decide in advance whether you’re there to watch or hoping to be invited to take part.

How to find dogging spots

Most meets are arranged online: someone posts that they’ll be at a particular spot on a particular day and time, and the people who see the post turn up.

Spots tend to be places the public can reach but rarely visits at night – car parks, lay-bys and rest areas, country parks. A spot the local scene already uses is a better bet than one you’ve guessed at. If you can, look at it in daylight first so you know the layout and the way out, and stay away from anywhere known for drug dealing or street sex work.

On WhosDogging, you can create a profile for free, then use the location search to find people in your area and message them. It’s one of the easiest ways to meet other doggers and set up a meet before you leave the house. That’s how one couple on the site arranged their first time – with the help of a more experienced couple they met here. Read their story.

What time do people go dogging?

Most dogging happens after dark, when car parks empty and there are few passers-by.

Choose hours when members of the public are unlikely to wander through. If you’re going to a meet that someone has posted, the time is in the post – turn up then rather than waiting around on your own. The couple in the story above met their group at 10pm.

The signals, and what they mean

Signals let everyone know what’s on offer without anyone saying a word.

• Interior light on: you’re happy to be watched.
• Window wound down: people can come closer, and may be invited to join in.
• Door open: an invitation to take part – but still wait to be asked.
• Headlights: a flash can say you’re there and up for it. Switch them off once you’ve parked, so you don’t dazzle anyone.

If you’re not sure what a signal means, hang back and wait to be asked.

The unwritten rules

Everything at a meet runs on consent: nobody is touched unless they’ve clearly invited it.

• Watching is not the same as being invited. Keep your hands to yourself until you’re asked.
• Take a closed window, a shake of the head or a spoken no as the answer, and walk away.
• Be patient. Pushy or uninvited behaviour gets people frozen out of the local scene.
• Treat everyone with respect, and women in particular.
• Use condoms.
• Stay anonymous. Use a nickname, and don’t share your real name or social media.
• Leave nothing behind – condoms, wrappers and litter go home with you.

Staying safe

For your first time, go with a partner or a friend you trust, preferably one who knows the scene.

• Tell someone where you’ll be. You don’t have to tell them why.
• Keep your phone charged, and know exactly where you are.
• Leave valuables and spare cash at home.
• Park where you can drive away easily.
• Don’t assume you won’t see someone you know.
• On the way home, drive around for a while or stop for something to eat, to make sure nobody is following you.
• Get tested for sexually transmitted infections regularly.

Check the law where you are

Sex where the public might see it can be an offence, and the law differs from country to country, so check it for wherever you plan to go.

In England and Wales, for example, people have been prosecuted under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, under public order law, and for the old common-law offence of outraging public decency.