Dogging for women in Australia

Women are the people dogging revolves around, and the people least often asked about it. Search for it and you’ll mostly find men talking. So this guide goes to what women in Australia’s own online groups – dogging, swinging and naturist – have actually said about it: the nights they loved, the rules they set, the men who spoiled things and the people who stepped in.

The short version: plenty of women enjoy it, and the ones who do are firmly in charge.

Women who do it set the rules

The clearest thing in women’s own posts is who runs the night. A Brisbane woman in her forties posted that she was heading to a forest picnic area and wanted a crowd – and listed her rules in the same breath: nobody under 25, condoms always, some things off limits, no photos, and play nice. She even told people to park on the street so the council wouldn’t come looking. Afterwards she said it had been a great night, and one of the men there said he was glad of someone to walk back down with.

A Sydney woman put it even more simply before a night out in the Hills district: no kissing, she decides what’s allowed, people who are respectful can do a lot – and if one person behaves like an idiot, it’s over for everybody. That’s the pattern in post after post. The woman sets the limits, says them up front, and the men who follow them are the ones who get invited back.

How women show what they want, and what they don’t

Women who play outdoors describe their own small signals on top of the usual lights and open doors. One Canberra woman explained that if she keeps going while someone moves closer for a better look, that’s fine – but getting into her space isn’t. Another said a hard stare means don’t come any closer, and if that isn’t enough, she’s getting ready to leave. A couple added that letting someone watch doesn’t mean inviting them over.

The message to anyone watching is consistent: being allowed to watch is not an invitation to do more. Ask, wait for a clear yes, and back off the moment the answer changes.

Starting slowly is normal

Not every woman arrives knowing exactly what she wants. A Canberra woman in her late thirties, newly separated after nine years, posted that she was starting to explore and wanted to watch first, then join in as her confidence grew. A Melbourne woman in her mid-twenties who hadn’t been for a while asked for someone experienced – a man, a woman or a couple – to show her the places and the best times to go.

Both are sensible ways in. Watching first lets you see how a night actually works before you’re part of it. Going with someone who knows the scene means you’re never on your own with strangers. Many women start with a partner or a trusted friend, and plenty only ever want to watch or be watched.

The biggest complaint: filming without consent

If one thing makes women stop going, it’s phones. A Canberra woman described a man filming her with his phone peeking out of his pocket, then getting angry when she covered up and told him to stop. Another watcher stepped between them and told him to leave – and checked she was all right afterwards. She said men like that are the reason women don’t feel comfortable dogging. Another woman replied that the same thing had happened to her that week.

Filming someone in an intimate moment without their consent is an offence in Australia, as well as the fastest way to ruin a spot for everyone. Women and couples alike say the watchers who keep their phones away are the ones they’re happy to see again.

What women put up with online

The messages are often worse than the car parks. Women in the Melbourne groups describe a steady stream of explicit photos nobody asked for, men treating them as a fantasy rather than a person, and strangers asking to be taken along to venues. One man in the same discussion estimated that genuine women are outnumbered by single men something like forty to one – which explains a lot about the inbox.

Good moderation makes a difference. A Melbourne woman praised one dogging group’s moderators for quickly banning a man who sent her shaming messages, and said she felt safe and respected there. Another woman’s story is a reminder to guard your details: her name and number were passed on without her consent, and a couple phoned her repeatedly at eight in the morning.

Nude beaches from a woman’s point of view

Plenty of women love naturist beaches, and plenty describe the same problem: men who aren’t there for the sun. A Melbourne woman enjoying the first warm day of spring had to put her clothes back on after three separate men stared at her while touching themselves, and worried the beach would be lost because of it. A woman with years of nude-beach experience described the usual parade – men watching and pretending not to, men offering sunscreen or company, groups setting up right beside her.

What helps, according to women themselves, is company. One group of couples near Geelong who’d each been bothered on earlier visits set up together, and everyone felt safer. Naturist volunteers have handed out whistles, and one Melbourne naturist group has asked about women-led events. And respect is noticed: the same experienced woman described one day when a man simply sat a polite distance away and nodded hello – and that made all the difference.

Going solo: what women say about swingers’ venues

For many women, a swingers’ venue is a gentler first step than a car park. Several Melbourne women who went on their own wrote reviews to help others: the staff were watchful, one saw a man turned away for trying to pay his way in with a woman, and staff quietly checked on solo women through the night. Not everyone had the same experience – one woman felt couples mostly wanted single men – but most said solo women are made very welcome.

Their tips work outdoors too: tell someone you trust where you’re going, take a friend as a spotter if you can, practise saying “no thanks”, watch your drink, and do your research before you go.

Staying safe, in women’s own words

• Set your rules before anyone arrives, and say them out loud.
• Go with someone you trust, or let a friend know where you are and when you’ll be back.
• Know that you can leave at any moment. The car is your exit; keep the keys handy.
• No phones near you. Ask anyone filming to stop, cover up and leave if they don’t.
• Protect your details. Use a separate number and don’t share your real name until you’re ready.
• Stay out of view of anyone who hasn’t chosen to watch. See Is dogging legal?

Meeting people on your terms

The women who enjoy dogging most are the ones who decide who they meet, where and how far it goes – before the night, not during it.

WhosDogging has been running since 2006, and joining is free. You choose who you talk to, set out what you’re after, and only meet people once you’re comfortable. If you’re part of a couple, our guide to dogging as a couple in Australia covers doing it together.